Divorces are hard on their own but when there are children in the mix, the whole situation can become so much worse. However, as a parent, you must not let the personal issues between the two of you affect your children. Naturally, it will be hard on them, but effective co-parenting will eventually make it easier for them and you.
The key to successful co-parenting is to separate your relationship from your co-parenting relationship. Here are a few tips on how to ensure that:
Co-Parent As A Team
The first and the most important thing to remember is that you’re both on the same team when it comes to your kids. The aim of co-parenting should be consistency. All the decisions you make for the children should be made as a team. The two separated households cannot be identical and it’s not bad as it’s allowing the child to learn to be more flexible, but the basic set of expectations at both homes should be aligned and not radically different. As long as you manage to maintain this consistency, child-rearing decisions will fall in place.
Set The Personal Differences Aside
To be able to successfully co-parent, your differences have to take a back seat when it comes to your children. Naturally, it will be the hardest part of co-parenting but it’s the most vital for co-parenting to become successful for your child. Don’t let your feelings of hurt or anger influence your behaviour. Never vent to or in front of your children. Find different sources of help like your friends, family, or professional help. Don’t put your child in the middle, rather when it becomes difficult to control your feelings think of them to stay focused on your purpose, that is to maintain a safe and loving space for your kids in both households.
Practice Effective Communication With Your Co-Parent
It’s important to have regular and purposeful communications with your co-parent conducted peacefully. It might seem impossible initially but focus your mindset and your communications on your children and don’t let your problems bleed through. You don’t have to always meet in-person to communicate, you can conduct these communications through phone calls, texts, or emails, as long as the goal of conflict-free communication is being fulfilled, you can choose whatever medium works the best for you.
Urge Your Children To Communicate With Both Of You
The single goal of co-parenting is to make sure your child doesn’t feel like they’ve lost their family. Don’t let your child become a part of the conflict between you and the co-parent. Make transitions between the households easy for them, let them feel equally comfortable at both the households. Create a safe space for them to open up and share their feelings and how they are dealing with the whole situation of co-parenting. But effective communication doesn’t mean that you force your child to communicate, don’t push them, and let them have their own space when they’re not feeling up to it.
Don’t Be Hesitant To Seek Professional Help
We all have weak moments and there’s no shame in seeking help, especially when you know it’s for your children’s sake. Co-parenting counselling sessions can help you learn how to practice effective communications, create a safe space for your children, and so much more. Don’t be hesitant to seek professional help, it’s ok to not be “natural” at everything, what matters is that you’re willing to work together for your children.
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